Trust-building and Trustworthiness: How to Build Relationships
Readers! Lovers! Friends! I have been so taken away with loving on my new roles, connections, learning experiences lately that I have not been ensuring writing is in my calendar. I am constantly a work in progress, and that's something I continue to improve on. I love it too much, so I must make time and space for it. I want to write every two weeks, and eventually make room for some practice coaching opportunities! TBD.
Because of this newness and fullness in my life, relationship building has been on my mind.
My loved ones come first in my life. I adore them with all of my heart. Without them I would not be the the person typing to you now. How do we build, keep, and nurture these important relationships in our life though? How do we find the people that help build us back up when we're down, love on us unconditionally, and accept us for who we are? And how do we do this for them in return? I'm talking the deep, meaty stuff. It's fairly easy to maintain surface-level relationships.
That also opens a Pandora box to love languages as well. I'm not going to focus on that here, but I imagine they could interconnect.
For now, I want to cover 6 important keys in building rapore and trust mutually with your coworkers, family, friends, and overall with those in your community and tribe you choose to be around. This includes your yoga instructor, neighbors, your barista at the coffee shop down the street, and anyone else you regularly interact with.
1) Kindness and understanding
Life is hard enough sometimes, so why spread negative vibes when you can hug someone when they are upset and listen when they are going through a challenging chapter? Wouldn't you want the same? Showing grace in a relationship is key to unconditional love and trust. It allows both of you to be your authentic selves. It creates space for honesty. If you don't feel free to be yourself with those you love most, something is off and you may need to readdress your tribe.
2) Shared experiences
Experiences are a beautiful way to connect or maybe even reconnect. Try an Escape Room. Try a new restaurant or go to your favorite coffee shop together. Start a book club and read together. Take a nature walk at the botanical gardens. Travel! Laugh together at a comedy show. Sharing in things we love most with someone we enjoy being around brings us closer and builds bonds. It can also display trustworthiness. You will certainly talk about that trip to Bali for years and years to come. You'll talk about that comedy show with the rest of your tribe, and they'll want to go! Spread the joy.
Talk about it! Discuss it. Ask questions. No one can read your mind. No one knows your boundaries, needs, and capacity but you. If you communicate what they are and why each are important to you and they aren't understood or respected, it's also acceptable to walk away and determine that individual doesn't fit in your life. It doesn't mean you can't work together if need be. You can learn from each other's differences and ask questions for understanding per #1 though. We don't know what their life experiences have been. Either way, it's also important to listen. We may not understand since we haven't been through what they have, or maybe we don't have the struggles they do, but we can be empathetic and provide a listening ear. Humans, by nature, primarily just want to feel love and accepted as they are. Validate what they are sharing and thank them for opening up when they do.
4) Mutual effort
You both want to be in each others' lives and you adapt to make time for the relationship. It's a two-way street. You are willing to make agreements in order to understand your commonalities and differences. If one is not, be willing to share your feelings on why that hurts or how they could better care for the relationship. If they are unwilling, there's no need to keep wasting your time and energy. They simply aren't meant to be in your life and that's great too because it means you have space for someone who is.
I hope this one is obvious given we are talking about relationships. We'll cover it just to be sure. Respect should feel natural for someone you care for. Making agreements based on each other's abilities, energy, capacity, workload, etc. creates an opportunity to share our responsibilities and collaborate. It becomes respectful teamwork. We know what we can handle, what we need to ask for, what we have time for, what we are willing to commit to, and what we are willing to share. Whether it's making time to catch up with a friend or our capacity at work, it's important to be aware, communicate, and also respect these needs and boundaries of others'. If we aren't willing to do so, we could end up down a road of teaching people that their needs are more important than our own. If you are a parent, I would imagine you feel that way in one way or another about your kiddo(s). Even kids must be empowered to begin taking care of themselves at some point though. Our parents don't bath, transport, and feed us our entire lives. We eventually took on those roles for ourselves. They showed us how to properly do these activities independently. From my experience, I think most people respect those the most who know when/how to say no. They know their value and worth. They know what their boundaries look like. We are in charge of reminding ourselves that if someone is crossing a boundary, eventually it eats away at our self-worth. If we respect ourselves first, we help show others how to best support and love us. A true respect of another's needs is to respect and honor the relationship, and winds up empowering us to do the same.
Sometimes, deeper bonds just take time itself. Some people also take longer to feel more comfortable and at ease with a new relationship. We also get busy and have to prioritize, so it just takes time. Building a relationship with someone new that you want to spend time with, simply could just require patience. We are all different and it's beautiful. If we were all the same we'd be bored.
Did I miss something you think should be included in this list? Tell me! I love sharing to start a conversation and learn more about how others think and operate successfully in their passions, adventures, relationships, and everyday life. Can't wait to hear from you and thanks for stopping by! If you loved this article, I hope you will share it with someone.
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