All Things Boundaries
I have found boundaries to be imperative, but I had to learn how to set them. Boundaries with people, work, saying yes and no when necessary, and attempting balance. It wasn't natural for me. I was accommodating (still am sometimes because I'm a natural people-pleaser). My thought process at the time: If I say yes, if I respond how I know this person would like for me to, then I won't make waves, everyone will like me, and I will be loved and appreciated. Yet, this mindset was requiring me to NOT be my authentic self. I was disrespecting myself and my needs. What I need is important. My boundaries and needs are valuable because I'm paving the path to reach my goals, my personal balance, and my happiness. My boundaries are what creates my best version of myself. Wouldn't those that love and appreciate me enjoy that too? Everyone wins. I get to be myself, and everyone sees me radiating sunshine and unicorns!
No one else knows what these needs are unless you communicate them. Everyone has different boundaries. Some none at all, others may have no awareness of one way or the other, and many this may very well come naturally to based on their personality or how they grew up.
There are also different kinds of boundaries. I want to be clear about one thing before I continue. I am talking about healthy boundaries. I'm not talking about creating behaviors that keep people or things we love at arm's length. These boundaries command respect for your needs. It's that simple. Saying no at work doesn't mean you aren't dedicated. Saying no to loved ones doesn't mean you don't care about them. We are just being honest with ourselves on each of our capacities and priorities. There's only so much time in a day, and there's always more work to be done. We have to carve out time for what fuels us. We won't be able to be our best self at a job we love, be the dedicated employee, unless we allow space for that juice.
You deserve to be heard and your boundaries are acceptable. Some won't respect them and you do not have to allow that person to remain in your circle, your corner, your tribe, or whatever you'd like to call it.
The way I've begun to set these boundaries is by honoring what my best self needs, and just as I mentioned above - being capable of saying yes and no to honor such needs. I also have tried practicing not feeling as though I owe anyone a thorough explanation of why I'm giving them that answer. Just this act in itself sets boundaries swiftly.
How do you set boundaries? What does that look like? Do you have trouble setting boundaries? If so, why? Are you a master at this? How so?